Time to lose weight

Today I wore a long jean skirt, a button down shirt (untucked) and some cute sandals that I always manage to twist my ankle in. I look the same as always, or so I thought.
Icky came up to me earlier and whispered
"Are you pregnant?"
"Um, no I'm just fat"
"ohhh no...you're not fat, I just thought because you are still so young... you look 'fluffy'."

Yeah sure you did bitch. I wasn't born yesterday. You wanted to let me know what a big fat cow you think I am. Well guess what, it worked! Maybe if you weren't menopausal I would ask you the same thing. You could stand to lose a few as well, honey. and "fluffy"? WTF is that? How does a person look "fluffy" if not covered by a thick coat of hair or at LEAST wearing a mohair sweater??
I thought everyone had made this social faux-pas at least once in their lives and were so embarassed by it they vowed never to do it again? Evidently it's never happened to her or she is just an evil ho bag.
I am thinking the latter...
I haven't gained or lost any weight in about 6 months, yet I've been told I look thinner, younger, older, and now pregnant...proof that clothes do make the woman.