OrangeZen

Random thoughts...from a random redhead.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The new me, back in WA...

but only for the weekend. I surprised my sister with a visit to make a cake for her (5th) wedding reception. She was, obviously, surprised, which was fun as she had absolutely no idea I would be there. The cake turned out both better and worse than I expected. I'll post a pic when I get home sometime Monday.
When I saie "the new me" I did not mean the "new and improved me", quite the opposite in a lot of ways! I need some inspiration. I'm seriously lacking in the blog posting department and it's because my life has become D-U-L-L. There's nothing inspiring or exciting about getting up, going to the gym, cleaning, cooking,playing too many video games, watching too much TV, or any of the other non exciting things I do every day. I have grass is always greener syndrome. For years I was a single mom and I wanted nothing more than to be able to stay at home and be just a mom or just a wife, or whatever. Now that I actually DO that, I wish I could do something else! You know, out of the house. Not a job per se (although a satisfying job would be wonderful), but a reason to explain my existance. I mean, I'm not agorophobic or anything like that. I do go out when I have to get groceries or some other nonsense. I know a woman who has kids in soccer, coaches soccer, heads several comittees, is involved with her church, runs a charity, AND she teaches cake deco. classes twice a week. Just talking to her makes me tired. I think maybe that's my problem. I'm LAZY. In theory, doing all of that stuff sounds great, but in practice, I'd probably be kicked off of all of the committees, my team would lose all their games (in no small part because I'm really dense when it comes to soccer...), and the charity would go bankrupt if it were all left up to me.
So this post is really pointless, isn't it? Just me bitching about stuff that's perfectly within my control. If I were my friend I'd tell me to STFU and get off my ass. I have some sort of mental block that keeps me from "accomplishing my goals". I always think of all of these things I could be doing to make my life better and then I come in the door and I immediately feel like the only thing I can manage to do is vegetate.

blahhh
Why can't I listen to me?

 
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